Sucker Punch

Do you ever have those times when your weaknesses sucker punch you in your confidence? You look at yourself and think, wow I really can't do this. It doesn't even have to be a bad day for it to happen either. You could just be sitting there minding your own business, drinking your coffee, admiring the serenity of God's creation, whistling Zippity Doodah and... WHAMMMM! All of a sudden you are on the floor with coffee dripping from nostrils that just inhaled scalding hot beverage wondering What the heck was that? and Why do I feel like a loser? and Dang! That coffee is hot!!

Why does this happen? I know it happens to us all. And it is about as enjoyable as watching reruns of C-SPAN while getting a root canal on a day when you painfully realize a little too late that you really don't fit into those pants anymore.

It is during moments like these that I both love and absolutely hate passages that Paul writes so confidently like: "for in Christ Jesus you are all sons and daughters of God, through faith. For as many of you as were baptized into Christ have put on Christ." (Gal. 3:26-27, emphasis added)

I love this truth because Paul doesn't add any small print about feel-like-a-loser-loopholes in our acceptance with God. He so confidently states that if we have given our lives over to Christ's control then we ARE God's children and we HAVE PUT ON Christ regardless of how much we feel like that smelly mystery substance we had to scrape off of our shoes this morning.

I hate this truth because of the little "through faith" asterisk Paul slips in there. That means that it isn't up to me. I am not the one who does the good stuff that earns me the pat on the back, the gold stars, or the accolades of my many fan(s) (thanks Mom). I like the feeling of power and accomplishment and pride when I figure out how to conquer a challenge. But when it comes to my own salvation and standing before God I find myself in a state of helplessness.

Yet somehow I think I should embrace these sinus searing moments because they push me closer and closer to the edge of actually living a life totally abandoned to the extravagant and ridiculous grace of God.

Next time that ugly little weakness gargoyle pops out of the bushes to sock me one I hope I'll be ready.... to give him a hug

"Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong."
(2 Cor 12:9b-10)

Thanks Paul..... what a pal....................... argh...

Morning Breath

Sometimes I look at myself and where I am in life and wonder if God knows what He is doing with me. So much change has happened all at once in my life and in the lives of those around me--which makes me think that maybe God got surprised by it all and had to scramble to put someone in the positions I find myself in. But in my heart I know that nothing surprises Him. I am not just the "fill-in guy" in God's mind. He has picked me out especially for what I am doing. Just like Paul said in Galatians 1:15 about his own place in life: "[He] set me apart before I was born... and called me by his grace." Yet even with that knowledge I still find myself questioning God's choice.

Does He have any idea how messed up I can be? Does He know what I deal with? Does He regret His decision when my attitude sucks? Does He get embarrassed when I say this, or think that, or mess up here, or lose focus there?

This morning, while I was half-awake in the shower, God decided to answer these questions. (Now mind you I was not contemplating these theological frustrations when He answered--I was hardly awake enough to remember to shut my mouth when using face-wash... yes I do know what that stuff tastes like... He just decided to drop it on me.) He said to me "Seth, I know what kind of person you are. I knew before you were born what would tempt you, what would depress you, what would distract you. I knew you would mess up, struggle, and fail. I chose you anyway. I created you with purpose. I don't look at all your hang-ups when I see you. I don't sit around worrying about when you are going to screw up next. I know that there will be mistakes made, but I made provisions for that through my Son. He is what I see when I look at you. Don't worry, I know what I am doing."

You gotta love it when God pops out of nowhere and hits you with a humdinger like that. I wasn't awake enough to argue. I'm sure He knew that. And now as I sit in my office I am awake enough to realize how blessed I am to be loved so unconditionally by my Creator. There are days when I am convinced that I fail at being a decent human being, let alone husband, son, pastor, or friend. But God knew there would be those moments. Jesus was sent for those moments. I just need to relax and know that He knows what He is doing.

Reach

I was recently in Oregon for a wedding of some friends. On the way back, as I stared out the window of the plane I was struck by the beauty of creation as it shrunk away beneath me. It was a clear sunny day for those of us above the cloud cover. Inspiration hit me, so I had to write. This was the result. I haven't written poetry in a while so it may get reworked eventually:

In Heaven's wilderness
white tranquil behemoths
float by in silence,
unaware of the perceived barriers
easily created
between earthbound minds
and the Divine Face.

Snowy eternal landscape
solid to sight, feathery to touch
sporadically parts as a window
into the turmoil below...

Yet the Swift Sure Hand,
purposing to reach into the clamor,
dwells in the din
amongst those deciding
the wide and the narrow--
those who could be mere pin pricks,
no more than dust.

Yet they--no we!
are the heat of His heart,
the works of his art.
Not damned or destined for death
but chosen, blessed, renewed.

We tread both asphalt roadways
and cloud-paved skyways,
His hands firmly upon unsure shoulders,
not needing to know the way,
only the Waymaker.

Cycles of Grace and Forgiveness

Luke 17:3-4
"Pay attention to yourselves! If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him, and if he sins against you seven times in the day, and turns to you seven times, saying, 'I repent,' you must forgive him."

Reading these verses today made me realize how God is so incredibly in tune with human nature (and by "human nature" I mean the tendency to repeatedly screw up and repent, screw up and repent, screw up and repent, all in the same day). Jesus is telling people here that even in their person-to-person relationships they need to imitate God in how He relates to us in the midst of sin cycles. We are expected to show unending forgiveness to each other. It doesn't matter if it is one offense or thirty-two in one day. We are still to forgive. Now that part isn't the amazing thing to me. I understand that we are to be forgiving with each other. But what I have never seen in this before is that it is really a reflection of God's heart towards us. He is infinitely forgiving and gracious to us even though he knows we may do the same stupid thing to Him countless times in one day. He understands that mankind is messed up and that we often fall into the cycle of sin and repent, sin and repent without trying to. Yet His grace never falters. He faithfully extends his love and forgiveness to us all the way through our ridiculous daily cycles of sin.

How humbling it is to get smacked in the face with the truth some time! I can't count how many times I have had to ask for forgiveness and repent for the same thing multiple times in one day. And there are moments when I think that God actually gets tired of hearing me come back to Him in repentance because I think He is thinking, "This guy doesn't really mean it. He is going to go screw up again in fifteen minutes." God's heart is always that we would return to right relationship with Him. He extends his grace in spite and/or because of our cycles of idiocy. If he expects us to forgive each other like this, then it is all the more true for us and Him. Whether it is once, twice, or three thousand times I never need to fear that his forgiveness won't be there.