Morning Breath

Sometimes I look at myself and where I am in life and wonder if God knows what He is doing with me. So much change has happened all at once in my life and in the lives of those around me--which makes me think that maybe God got surprised by it all and had to scramble to put someone in the positions I find myself in. But in my heart I know that nothing surprises Him. I am not just the "fill-in guy" in God's mind. He has picked me out especially for what I am doing. Just like Paul said in Galatians 1:15 about his own place in life: "[He] set me apart before I was born... and called me by his grace." Yet even with that knowledge I still find myself questioning God's choice.

Does He have any idea how messed up I can be? Does He know what I deal with? Does He regret His decision when my attitude sucks? Does He get embarrassed when I say this, or think that, or mess up here, or lose focus there?

This morning, while I was half-awake in the shower, God decided to answer these questions. (Now mind you I was not contemplating these theological frustrations when He answered--I was hardly awake enough to remember to shut my mouth when using face-wash... yes I do know what that stuff tastes like... He just decided to drop it on me.) He said to me "Seth, I know what kind of person you are. I knew before you were born what would tempt you, what would depress you, what would distract you. I knew you would mess up, struggle, and fail. I chose you anyway. I created you with purpose. I don't look at all your hang-ups when I see you. I don't sit around worrying about when you are going to screw up next. I know that there will be mistakes made, but I made provisions for that through my Son. He is what I see when I look at you. Don't worry, I know what I am doing."

You gotta love it when God pops out of nowhere and hits you with a humdinger like that. I wasn't awake enough to argue. I'm sure He knew that. And now as I sit in my office I am awake enough to realize how blessed I am to be loved so unconditionally by my Creator. There are days when I am convinced that I fail at being a decent human being, let alone husband, son, pastor, or friend. But God knew there would be those moments. Jesus was sent for those moments. I just need to relax and know that He knows what He is doing.